A friend of mine gave me a catalog the other day because he thought I’d be interested in a certain product. While leafing through it, I ran across this:
A two-foot long stalking panther lawn ornament. For some reason, perhaps because it was late and I was suffering from fatigued delirium, I found the idea of plopping this in my lawn and dressing it in ridiculous outfits astoundingly hilarious. Oversized sunglasses, bad touristy tee-shirts, hot pink hats…
Then a few pages later, I found this: ZOMG a YETI!! 28.5 inches tall even. Because I live in the land o’ many trees, visitors could relax on our concrete patio with an (alcoholic) drink in their hands, gazing upon our lovely flora and fauna only to stop, lean forward, squint and say – “Um, is that Bigfoot?” And I could say “Yes. Yes it is. His name is Herbert.”
As if my nose-thumbing toward suburbia weren’t complete, I ran into this little gem: A freaking ZOMBIE. Coming out of the GROUND. LIFE SIZE.
Glee is the only word appropriate right now. Well, the phrase “Wish list” comes to mind too (and “Please, to buy, for me”).
And sure to tick off the persnickety neighbors; isn’t that the point?