Top 5 Places A Cell Phone Should Never Be Used

1. Funeral Home – Do I really have to explain this?

2. Church – Ditto

3. The Movie Theater – This goes for texting too. First off, the light is damned bright. Secondly, why the hell would you pay the exorborant ticket price to fuck around on your blackberry? Thirdly, I didn’t fork over that amount of money to hear your fucking ringtone or conversation. I have actually yelled at people for this.

4. The Library – I’m huddled in the stacks the other day and this fifteen year old boy, sporting a retro goldenrod (thank you crayola) leather jacket and an emo hairstyle that requires more product and effort than my near waist-length locks, thank you, was striding back and forth, jabbering on this phone. How do I know he was 15? Because he was talking about spending his money on driver’s ed! This, when he wasn’t yammering about some flipping CD and how “in demand” it is. Each and every time he crossed my aisle, I gave him the Jedi death stare. Finally, he swung his head around, meeting my gaze, and whether it was the sight of a woman in an oversized army camo jacket or just some remnant of ettiquette, he finally shut up.

5. Any sit-down restaurant – It’s rude to the people you’re with, no one wants to hear you chew in their ear, and NO ONE wants to eavesdrop on your conversation about your intestinal problems!

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